1. Dealing with Anxiety - Part 1
2. Communication and Conflict Resolution - Women's Group
3. Orlando - Cooking Classes
4. Featured Life Coaching Package - Lifestyle Makeover
5. New York: Join the Fight Against Sexual Violence
1. Dealing with Anxiety - Part 1
The other day I was feeling a bit of anxiety, and there was a particular person in my life on my mind. This person is actually not that involved in my life, but she's very connected to my life. After making myself conscious of the anxiety, I realized that I was thinking about something personal I shared with her and I was worrying what she thought of me as a result.
Now, what I said didn't concern anything about her life; it concerned only my life. But I felt vulnerable in revealing to her this aspect of my life and I felt anxious that she would be judging me and thinking less of me as a result of hearing about these circumstances.
In most cases I would have chosen not to reveal this thing at all, but in this situation I felt it was necessary.
Looking at all the Pieces
Not wanting to be feeling this way, I stopped to think about it as I was relaxing and stretching before bed last night. I mentally separated the pieces of what I was feeling along with the circumstances. I then asked myself how rational my worry was. Knowing this person, I have no doubt that she is capable of judging me. But I realized that I'm actually OK with that. I don't need her to think highly of me all the time. Certainly what I revealed is not something to judge someone over, it just happens to be an issue I think she judges people over.
My Pride Wants Attention
It was only my pride that needed her to respect me and think I'm great. My ego is stroked when she does. I don't know why. I suppose it's just human nature. But the truth is, I don't need her approval at all. My life doesn't change one bit if I don't have it.
Let me be clear. This was a revelation and acceptance, not a reactionary defense mechanism. Sometimes what a person thinks of us really does matter to us, and we try to act like it doesn't matter, even though it really does.
In this situation, I was feeling anxiety over what someone thought of me whose opinion, I realized, doesn't matter to me. I really can be okay with it if I don't live up to her expectations. In fact, I know I won't live up to her expectations. She is judgmental towards a lot of people.
Some of you may be wondering why I keep this person in my life. Well, there are things I love about her for one, other very important things. And although she is not very involved in my life, she plays an important role of meaning in my life.
The First Steps to Calm
When we are feeling anxious, one of the first steps to calm is breaking down the pieces of our anxiety, asking ourselves what happened, and what is it that we really fear. Is it our pride that is begging for something, or is it a loss that will be significant to us? Sometimes we will find that our anxiety is out of habit, or coming from an effort to hang on to something that isn't all that meaningful.
It is true that anxiety is often the result of something that is meaningful, and I will address that in another newsletter.
Write it Down
For now, write down the things that worry you. Ask yourself what they mean. And ask yourself if there is a constructive way to handle them. The simple act of writing them down often helps us to put things into perspective. When we allow them to float around in our minds...they often consume us and become bigger than they actually are.
E-mail me with questions if you'd like me to consider them for my advice column on the Boutros Boutros Follies.
Melissa
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