November 2, 2007 1. Are You A People Pleaser Life and Wellness Coaching : Organic Cooking Classes : Women's Groups : Workshops -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MyHeartDances(TM) was developed to support individuals in living from their heart and going after what they want in life. Our mission is to support you in deciding to be honest with yourself and be honest with others so you can face your fears and go after your dreams to "let your heart dance!" www.myheartdances.com Are You A People Pleaser? People pleasing. Being so aware and so sensitive to how other people respond to you that you edit yourself in order to make sure that others always respond positively....or at least NOT negatively. Or, carrying all of the burden so that the person you are dealing with doesn't have to carry any, i.e. not speaking up when you should, or saying "no." You allow yourself to be uncomfortable rather than make someone else uncomfortable. Let me put that another way, you let someone stay comfortable at the expense of them making you uncomfortable A Chameleon The problem with this is that you become a chameleon. You never know who you are because everyone else around you determines that for you. You change based on what others want, and since not everyone wants the same thing, who knows how many different roles you will play in the course of a day - or a lifetime. Warmth vs. Fashion Last year, in late winter, I went out for my regular morning walk. It was particularly cold outside and all I could think about that morning was being warm. I threw on some odd medley of clothes, scarves, and a hat, and booked it out the door. Although it was cold, I was excited to get outside, breathe the fresh air, and move my body. I had been out for about 15 minutes and I was walking alone near the Natural History Museum. An older man, probably in his late 40's, was walking towards me in a mid-length, wool coat. As he approached me he gruffly roared, "FASHION DISASTER!" and passed me as thought he was annoyed by my choice of clothing. Oh... New York. To me, it was quite funny, and the first thing I thought to myself was, "Wow, he must've really woken up on the wrong side of the bed." Do you really think that my choice of clothing was the thing that totally through his day off balance? How Does This Apply? Why did I use this example? Because it's such an obvious illustration of how another person's reaction had absolutely nothing to do with me. He was surely already having other problems and his comment to me was an expression of that. I could've interrupted my walk, went home embarrassed, and spent the next hour changing clothes in front of the mirror worrying about my sense of style. But I didn't. I was warm. I like my walks. And I don't think me changing would've solved his problems anyway. Now, take this obvious example and recognize how many issues each of the people you interact with in your daily life are dealing with at home, at work, in their family life, etc. On top of that, they probably also have baggage, unresolved issues, and insecurities. Think about how all of those issues combined could cause them to react to you in a variety of different ways, in negative ways. It's not fair to ourselves to assume that something is wrong with us because we can't make someone else happy. What if they are just a grumpy person? What if they are never going to like you because you look like their ex-girlfriend, their mother, their sister? What if they are depressed and no one can make them happy? More often than not, a person's reactions to you are just not about you...and it's highly unlikely that you can do anything to change them. Your Colors! I write this today because I don't want to see you be a chameleon. There are so many beautiful colors (people) in this world: personalities, shapes, ideas, smiles, outfits, etc. The most brilliant people who have made an impact on the world were the people who were "different." They were the people that others made fun of. They let their ideas stand out even though people thought they were crazy. I want to see all of your colors. When you don't show me, you also limit my world. I never get to discover you. And what another person hates, might be my delight. But perhaps I will never find it because you are hiding. What Do You Do? So how do you start moving through your life without always losing your core? You have to know yourself for one. It is the most important component. I don't think very many people in this world really know themselves. You have to be brave enough to look at who you are. Take five minutes after reading this newsletter and just do a freewrite. It is just one way of taking a deeper journey into learning about yourself. A freewrite means that you begin writing anything that comes to your mind and you don't stop until the time is up. Pick one of the following topics and begin. *Where in my life have I pretended to be someone I am not, just to please another person? *What do I want in my life that I keep allowing other things to get in the way of? I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Would love to hear thoughts provoked by this article. Comment at www.myheartdances.blogspot.com xoxo Living Healthy Through The Holidays Holiday Group Beginning Participation via phone is possible. Mornings and Lunchtime Available I am starting a group that will last through the end of the holidays. The group will be a support system to help individuals make healthy choices through the holidays. If you want to maintain your weight, continue to lose weight, manage holiday stress more effectively, and simply make healthier choices, this group is for you. Morning and lunchtime is available You will be able to participate by phone. I encourage all who are interested to contact me, even if you do not live in New York City. Cooking Classes "Thank you for sharing you home, knowledge, great recipes, and November 15 November 29 December 7 (Fri) December 20 (Thurs) Don't see a class on days that you are available? Pre-Register Today - Only $50 per class All classes are held on the Upper West Side Class is from 6:30 until 8:30p.m. *Hands-on instruction Please contact Melissa at Melissa@myheartdances.com for **Classes are fun, relaxed, and not intimidating! **Private classes are also available, more details here. Copyright 2002-2007 Melissa King. Please feel free to share this Melissa King, 917-689-6530 www.myheartdances.com |
Call me to schedule an appointment: 917-689-6530 Sessions are $125 to $75 For more detailed info on private coaching: http://www.myheartdances.com/services/private_couns.htm For a further explanation of fees: http://www.myheartdances.com/services/fees.htm
"You are non-judgmental and so real and practical about dealing with these issues. I tell everyone about you. You are so young, but you are so smart and have great insight. I love working with you, and I'm a tough customer." GG, NYC
As always, thanks for reading and please send comments
Copyright 2002-2005 Melissa King. Please feel free to share this newsletter or reprint articles, but you MUST include authorship and contact information.
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™ was developed to support individuals in living from their heart and going after what they want in life. Our mission is to support you in deciding to be honest with yourself and be honest with others so you can face your fears and go after your dreams to "let your heart dance!"
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