1. Living Your Life Based on What Other People
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1. Living Your Life Based on What Other People Think
Do you know that when I was a little girl I was made fun of a lot?
People always seem to be surprised by that, but it's true. It was more than just the typical teasing that goes on with children and teenagers.
I went to a small school in a very upper middle class neighborhood in Ohio. My family lived in the outskirts of town on a small farm. We were not as wealthy as the other families in the area.
My school was entirely caucasian (I think there was one Mexican guy), and all the popular kids wore designer jeans, t-shirts, and polo shirts everyday. I shopped at thrift stores and J.C. Penny, waited to buy things on sale, loved original and unique outfits, and rode around in my mom's station wagon. Not to mention, I was the new kid from Jersey.
People made fun of my clothes and my hair. Boys would ask me out and tell me it was a joke the next day, leaving me feeling completely humiliated. And at school dances, I would actually DANCE... and they really hated that. Most of them preferred standing next to the wall, or just simply bopping side to side.
I felt like a huge pimple walking through the hallways. I used to come home crying because I didn't understand why these kids didn't like me.
I hated school. And I couldn't wait until I could escape, until I could move to a new school, or graduate. I just wanted to go somewhere where people would meet me, get to know me, and love me.
Is It Possible To Escape?
But we can never really escape these things can we? Those experiences got buried in my heart and came out later, when I became an adult, as something else.
For a long time, I lived my life trying to please others. I just wanted people to like me. I did my best to figure out what others wanted and did everything I could do to give it to them. I don't mean giving material things. I mean trying to impress others by living my life a certain "appropriate" way, and behaving in a certain "appropriate" way.
I think most of us do this...
I put so much energy into figuring out what others wanted, that I lost my connection to what I wanted. I lived for others to like me. I lost who I was.
Traveling Mercies
I was recently reading Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. Anne told of a time she went dress shopping with her best friend Pam who was dying of cancer. Anne tried on a dress she really liked and Pam said she liked it too. Anne then looked at Pam and said, "Does it make my hips look too big?" Pam said to her, "Annie, you really don't have time for that."
I thought that was a powerful statement. We waste our time on so many irrelevant things. As we get older, we realize that time is much shorter than we ever imagined.
I've had to work through a lot of fears, mostly about people, related to what happened to me when I was a kid.
Seven years ago I made a point to take a huge risk on myself, to find out who that person was that I lost and start living from my heart. It created a lot of tension in my relationships, and removed most of my security right out from under me. That was the time when I finally lost weight, left my career, and moved to New York City with nothing but a couple bags. It was the best decision I ever made.
It's a Journey
A lot did happen overnight; that first step created some big waves, but ultimately it's been a journey. The last seven years have been filled with me learning new things about who I am, and learning how to express what is in my heart and be willing to embrace whatever consequences may come. Sometimes I've been afraid of those consequences, but eventually you just have to plunge in. Sometimes that means someone not liking me; sometimes that means losing a relationship; sometimes that means having to be very frugal with my money.
When I created this business a couple years later, my mission statement has been to show others how to live a life from their heart and to not develop their life based on what other people think.
I realized recently how my experiences as a child contributed to the work I'm doing now... and I'm so thankful for that.
Not Enough Time
There's not enough time in this life to not open up and show yourself, to not give the world what is stirring inside of you. You were gifted to do something. You were meant to speak up. You know it in your heart. Sometimes that means in one relationship that you have. Sometimes that means the career you have chosen.
Are you doing it?
Melissa...
If you'd like support in developing and reaching goals that match the person you really want to be and lifestyle you really want to have, please talk to me about private coaching. People who do really well in coaching with me are: career changers, artists, women who want to make changes around their health, and women who want to make changes in their relationships. melissa@myheartdances.com or 917-689-6530
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™ was developed to support individuals in living from their heart and going after what they want in life. Our mission is to support you in deciding to be honest with yourself and be honest with others so you can face your fears and go after your dreams to "let your heart dance!"