A Balanced Perspective Weekly
March 20, 2008

Life Coaching, Professional Women's Groups,
Organic Cooking Classes, and Inspiration

MyHeartDances^(TM) was developed to support individuals in living from their heart and going after what they want in life. Our mission is to support you in deciding to be honest with yourself and be honest with others so you can face your fears and go after your dreams to "let your heart dance!" www.myheartdances.com

1. Commitment and Intimacy
2. Final Interview with Actress Anna Berger
3. 2008 Cooking Classes
4. Life Coaching and Wellness Packages
5. Health and Fitness Summer Share House

1. Commitment and Intimacy

Many women say that they are looking for a committed relationship, but they always seem to find themselves attracted to men who do not want a committed relationship with them.

Does this sound too familiar?

You're not quite sure how you do it, but every man you end up liking seems to be unavailable in some form or fashion. Often, these men are also attracted to you, but they don't want the same thing you want. Somehow you seem to find this man and get swept up by him before you even knew he was that "type."

Could Simply Be Odds

We could blame all this on odds. Women tend to want a committed relationship earlier in life than men do, and more women want committed relationships than men do.

However, there are men out there who are capable of falling in love and committing to a relationship. We see them all over the place. And there are actually some men who are looking for a relationship, but find themselves in the same scenario as the women I mentioned above.

What Could Explain This?

I think women in our society have been socialized to assume they want a committed relationship, and our society hasn't really addressed fear of commitment in women. Every article in the media relates fear of commitment to men. So I think it's rare for a woman to think that she too might have some fear of commitment and intimacy.

Now, as you are reading this, you might be saying - "No, I definitely want to have a committed, intimate relationship, so this doesn't apply to me." Well, I understand why you might think that, and I believe that, truly, a relationship is probably where you want to end up. But if this is where you want to go, I think it's important to look at an intimacy issue we might have here.

Pretending to be Someone You're Not

Many women try to enter a relationship with a man trying to be someone who she is not. By this, I mean, you might try to do one or more of the following things: you try to always act positive and happy around him, so that he thinks you never have any problems or bad days; you never tell him when something he does bothers you or hurts you because you don't want to appear to be a nag; you don't share with him what you want from a relationship because you don't want to scare him away; and/or you do everything he wants to do the way he wants to do it - accommodating him all the way, you lose yourself.

Because you are afraid of being vulnerable and trusting, you may in fact tell him everything he does wrong and approach him in a manner that assumes he has bad intentions. (but that is another article - hmmm perhaps next week - it is possible to communicate your hurt and fears without making your man think you hate him).

Sharing Your True Self

So what does this have to do with fear of commitment and intimacy? Well, if you do any of these things, you are not sharing your true self. You are not letting your partner see the real you which would allow for a relationship that requires negotiation, compromise, and understanding on both sides. You are afraid to let him know when you feel sad, angry, hurt, or vulnerable. You are afraid to let him know that you are head over heals in love. But intimacy requires sharing all of these things. Otherwise, your potential mate will be having a relationship with an image, not you... and eventually your walls are going to come down, and this partner is going to be surprised. After all this time, when he sees the real you, he's going to say "You're not who I thought you were."

People who don't want a long term relationship or who are unable to have one because they are afraid of intimacy will instantly be attracted to people who are the same way - they will be attracted to you and you to them because the kind of relationship you are offering won't require anyone to deal with these things.

Know Yourself Well

So my advice - if you think you are one of these people, but you really do want a relationship is 1) Get to know yourself and what you need as much as possible, and 2) Be authentic and share who that person is, easily letting go of those who are not truly compatible.

Last, but not least - if you think this means letting it all hang out on the first date, then I would question whether you really know yourself and what you need... Always being honest is important, but so is knowing the other person and discovering over time, whether they deserve your heart and your trust.

Coaching is available for women who want to work on self-esteem, relationships, and career goals. If you are struggling on the issue discussed today, I am happy to meet with you.

I hope you have a FANTASTIC weekend. Celebrate! It's the first day of spring!

Melissa

or 917-689-653

2. Actress Anna Berger interviewed by Peter Rinaldi (PART 5)

A close friend of mine, Peter Rinaldi, has an active blog called the Boutros Boutros Follies. It is hosted by several members who post an assortment of entertaining stories on varied topics delivered through different forms of media.

Last week, Peter, an independent filmmaker, posted Part Five of seven video interviews with actress Anna Berger. Why am I listing this in A Balanced Perspective? Because it's a great story of a woman who had a dream and went after it. :-)

Part three talks about how her husband won her heart, and also about her beginnings in Hollywood. Part four shares about the beginnings of the famous Actor's Studio.

Anna has had a steady career working in film, TV, and on Broadway for over 60 years. Her resume is too long to list here, but she has worked with notable names such as Mae West and John Garfield. She recently did a film with Adam Sandler and is currently touring her own one woman show. Her story is delightful and inspiring and a great example of doing what you love.

For previous episodes:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three and Four

3. 2008 Cooking Classes

Organic Food, Organic FUN, and Good Company

"Thank you for sharing your home, knowledge, great recipes, and warm friends. There's something very intimate about creating and sharing a meal with others. It was interesting to learn about your holistic health background and cook with new ingredients. I look forward to taking more classes with you." - Heather

April 10 - (Dessert Night) 6:30/Thursday
Mooless Chocolate Mousse
Vegan Peanut Butter Pie
Almond Carob Coconut Balls
Cashew Creme

May 8 - 6:30/Thursday
Salmon Burgers
Spring Out Quinoa
Sunset Salad
Parsley Ginger Dressing

Pre-register Today - Only $50 per class -
Gift Certificates Available
All classes are held on the Upper West Side

Class is from 6:30 until 8:30 unless otherwise noted.
All classes include the following:

*Hands-on instruction
*Meet new people
*Learn cool facts and tips about the food you're preparing
*Get healthy tips
*Receive a copy of the recipe to take home
*Enjoy a DELICIOUS meal at the end of class!
Made by The Fabulous You!

Please contact Melissa at for more details and to register, or call 917-689-6530

**Classes are fun, relaxed, and not intimidating! They are great for beginners!

**Private classes are also available, more details at: http://www.myheartdances.com/services/cook_class.htm

The Lifestyle Makeover

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm not satisfied with my career, my relationships are not going anywhere. I'm not really where I want to be.

Sound like you? This package will cover career, relationships, spirituality, and health. You'll gain a stronger hold on your identity, and find satisfaction moving forward towards discovering and completing personal goals and projects.

6 sessions - $675

The Nutrition and Health Makeover

I don't eat what I should, nor do I stick to an exercise plan. I'm not even sure if I know what I should eat! I find myself snacking on junk food and eating poorly when I'm at work or traveling. I want to have more energy and be fit. I want to grow old healthy!

This package is for the typical New Yorker. You want to be conscious about your health, but you are not making it happen. You want more energy and to eat better. In this plan, we'll get down to the nitty gritty about what is getting in the way for you, and how you can achieve a healthier you without cramping your lifestyle. We'll create a therapeutic lifestyle plan that works just for you!

3 sessions - $375

The Weight Loss Makeover

I'm tired of not sticking to my diets. I'm ready to make a commitment to my health. I want to see my real body underneath this cushion. I want to feel good when I walk down the street and enter a room.

Sticking to a weight loss plan is hard. No doubt about it! This program is designed to get you off the dieting cycle and get you on a plan to achieve results. It's for individuals who are ready to make a change and commit to giving this gift to themselves. No more quick fix attempts. This is the real deal!

10 sessions - $1125

I Am - Strategic Solutions for Women in their 20's

I love working with young women! It's a time in life where you are testing your own identity and power in this world, yet sometimes you feel conflicted by the pressure of your parents' and peers' ideas about what track you should be on. You have your own mind and you want to use it... but sometimes you're not sure about your different opinions. This program deals with self-image, self-respect, confidence, and effective decision making.

5 sessions - $575 (sliding scale available for this program, please call or e-mail me for details).

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All programs can be adjusted to fit your specific needs. Number of sessions can be increased or decreased based on your goals.

Payment plans available.

Contact me with any inquiries

917-689-6530

Last summer I ocassionally taught my healthy cooking classes for this great share house out in Kismet, Fire Island. They are a health minded group and every weekend they try to bring out a wellness instructor to do an activity with the shareholders in the house. They also try to always have healthy food available.

The group is great, and they are now interviewing to bring in new people for the 2008 summer season.

You can e-mail my friend Lila to find out more info: and you can check out their website: www.kismetbliss.com

Let them know how you found out about it!