1. Finding Real Love
2. Women's Groups: "Women 24-30" & "Professional Women's Group"
3. Great Photographer - Headshots, Weddings, etc.
4. Featured Life Coaching Package - Solutions for Women in their 20's
1. Finding Real Love
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend, Peter, arranged a photo shoot for me with a photographer friend of his, Fernando Cuestas. I wanted to get some new shots for my website and also a few other entertaining pursuits on my to do list.
(Fernando is really amazing. I can recommend him with confidence. He does headshots, weddings, and a number of other types of photography. He's in the midst of setting up a website, but you can contact him at nandoworld@yahoo.com. The photos look amazing. He really connected with me and brought the real me out. Plus I had a blast working with him.)
Peter jumped into a number of shots with me, either posing or fixing my hair. We laughed a lot and had so much fun. When I decided I wanted to write about love today, I couldn't help but share this photo with you.
The Search is Difficult
Finding real love is hard. I have had countless conversations with women who are frustrated and feel afraid that they will never find a relationship they feel great about - or any relationship for that matter.
I really understand the feelings of deeply desiring to connect with someone but it never working out. He likes you, but you don't like him. You like him, but he doesn't like you. He's a "nice guy," but the chemistry just isn't there. Or you just find yourself getting into patterns of always being attracted to the wrong guy, or the guy that never wants a relationship.
I also hear from a lot of women who are in a relationship with someone they care very much about, but they aren't sure he's "the one."
So Many Options
Deciphering relationships is not an easy task. Especially in a country where we have so many choices that it feels like we can and should have anything we want. And if we choose, what if we miss out on something else? It can be a blessing and a curse simultaneously.
But I want to encourage you, if you are discouraged. I want you to know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel if you choose to do the work. I won't tell you that I have all the answers for you, but I do want to share with you some things I have learned, not only from personal experience, but also from working with a number of women over the last five years.
Some Tips
1. No one can tell you if someone is "the one" except for you. Certainly friends and family who know you well will have thoughts that you would be wise to consider. However, when it comes to making the choice of a partner, I don't think there is one particular "feeling" you should be looking for. You have to decide what you value; what you can and can't live with out. And then you have to take the risk and responsibility to either wait for those things or not wait for those things. If a certain someone does not have that "thing" you are looking for, maybe it's a "thing" you can't live without, and it's not about being picky.
2. The only way to know what you value and what is really important is to know yourself. Spend time alone. Spend time on dates. Spend time with friends. Notice in all of these situations what you like and don't like. Notice what you respond to. Notice what is fulfilling. Also, notice what is initially exciting but seems to also make you feel bad. (this is good for women who try to maintain relationships with "bad" boys or men who continuously don't give them what you need.)
3. Act with confidence. It's hard to love somebody else if you are always worried about whether they love you. Love is giving. If you are too insecure to risk being vulnerable by giving your love to someone else, then building your self-esteem is a must. Feeling confident that someone else enjoys your attention and your loving gestures allows you to not only give, but to receive their loving gestures in return. Insecurity demands assurance, it doubts, and it questions - it's a heavy burden for the loved person to bear.
You will have moments of insecurity in loving relationships; this is normal. But if you find that it's coming up a lot, and you need more than you are able to give - something is wrong. Either you need to build your self-esteem, or you are with someone who doesn't offer you what you are looking for.
How do you build your self-esteem? See #2.
4. Respect yourself. This is a big deal. You have to learn how to say "no." You have to learn how to disagree and state your opinions. A man who is capable of having a healthy relationship will want to interact with a real person who has feelings and thoughts that can be discussed and challenged. He will want to know where he stands, and what is okay with you and what is not. If you act like everything is okay, you are going to end up unhappy, and he's going to become annoyed, or take advantage. You can never expect other people to respect you more than you respect yourself.
5. Communication. If you are going to respect yourself, communication is absolutely necessary. Expressing yourself through firm, but kind and gentle language, trusting that the other person is receptive, is very important.
Some women are with great men, but they question whether that man is the right person for them. Sometimes they think this only because they haven't learned to ask for what they want and need; they just assume he should know. Nobody should have to read your mind. Communication can really make a difference.
6. Stop doing things that make you feel bad the next day. This goes from calling too much, to sleeping with someone too soon. This has nothing to do with the "rules." It has everything to do with how your actions make you feel. Respect yourself. If you respect yourself, you'll stop doing things that make you feel bad.
7. Give it a chance. People are nervous on first dates. Sometimes they will shine on the second or third, and sweep you off your feet.
Don't drag something on if you know that person is not right for you. Be gentle and honest. Honesty in these situations is difficult, but simply avoiding a person is rude and will make them feel worse.
8. Did I say know yourself? I mention this twice because it is more important than anything else, and it is easily skipped. Even if you find the right person, you won't be able to share a great relationships with them unless you know yourself. Be authentic. Share your real feelings and your real thoughts. Life is too short to pretend to be someone you're not. If you're not the right person for him and vice versa, it's better to be yourself and find out now, rather than fake it and find out alter.
Keep trying. Every date you go on will teach you something. Every one. Don't give up. Companionship is a good and beautiful thing.
xoxox
Melissa
P.S. I really believe in commitment, and I just want to say that relationships go through hard patches, and sticking those out is not that same as settling.
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