Maybe You're Not Okay
by Melissa King
August 29, 2005

These days it is common to hear comments that suggest that we should accept our circumstances exactly as they are and we should always be at peace instead of getting frustrated or upset at the situations we find ourselves in, or rather find ourselves having difficulty getting out of.

I disagree. (well, there's an element of truth to the above, but bear with me, I think you'll see where I'm coming from.)

Time to Stop Accepting Your Circumstances

I don’t think you should always just accept your circumstances. Oftentimes our frustration at something in our life is the signal to make some changes. It’s often a signal that something is wrong and you need to figure out what to do about it.

If you’re not happy with your career, maybe the problem is not that you are just an unhappy person and that you need to find "happiness from within." Maybe you really need to be doing something else and need to take steps to make that happen.

If you feel you need to lose weight because you are currently unhealthy and don’t feel good in your body, maybe this is not the time to say “I accept myself as I am.” Sometimes the best love you can give yourself is to not accept yourself the way you are. Sometimes we need to make changes because it is what is in our best interest.

If you are single and long to be in a loving relationship, but you are perpetually finding yourself dateless, maybe the answer is not to just accept that this is your destiny, maybe it’s a true signal that you need intimacy and you need to figure out why you are not finding it.

I Don't Mean To Ruffle Your Feathers

Actually, maybe I do!

I am not here to tell you to change. I am here to validate that voice inside that is telling you there is a need. Sometimes our friends try to comfort us by saying “you’re okay.” But the truth is, sometimes we are not okay. We need to get up, figure out what we need to do and do it.

I want you to succeed in this life, not just sit back and let it pass you by.  Of course you need to accept yourself, but don't use that as an excuse to ignore or not deal with aspects of your life that truthfully need work.

If you are confused about where you should be accepting yourself and where you should be making changes, check out the self-esteem and body image workshop I'm hosting in the fall!