Valentines Day (Single in the City)
by Melissa King
February 14, 2005

One of my regular readers wrote in and expressed disappointment that I haven't written anything yet regarding Valentine's Day.  I'm really glad she addressed it because I guess I haven't given V-Day too much thought this year, and unfortunately too many people feel down on this day... Even those in relationships may feel pressure, not knowing what is expected of them from their significant other.

Single In the City
 
So, what do I say to my dear, single, independent, professional New Yorkers?  What do you think about love here in the city?  Are you happy with the scene?  Do you wish it were different?  Do you wish people focused more on relationships rather than work?  Do YOU focus more on work in order to avoid being the only one longing for the intimacy of a relationship?

What about those of you in the suburbs or in other parts of the country, where being single can put you in the minority and make you feel lower self-worth or feel the need to rush the process of falling in love?

Male and Female Generalizations

Lately, friends of mine have been discussing generalizations of men and women.  "Men are the problem with dating because....(fill in the blank), or "Women are the problem because...(fill in the blank)."  The truth is, it is not fair to make generalizations because there are a lot of people out there who are honestly seeking to give of themselves and do their best at creating a successful relationship.

What generalizations do you make?  If you think all men are (fill in the blank) or all women are (fill in the blank), you will probably find yourself meeting those exact types of people.  If you believe that's the way all individuals are, you won't be able to notice the ones who are different!

And believe me there are plenty who are different!

It goes the same for how you treat yourself.  If you think you are unattractive you may notice only those who don't notice you, and you may be only aware of attractive couples walking down the street.

How Do You Sell Yourself?

One more thing I want to address.  How do you sell yourself?  Do you sell yourself as a loving individual who desires to commit themselves to someone and who has a lot to offer a relationship, or do you sell yourself as only sexy and fun?  What signals are you giving out?  Who you attract will often be those who are interested in whatever it is you are using to sell yourself.  So if you are not attracting the type of person you want, you may want to ask yourself what it is you use about yourself to get the attention of a potential partner.

This Week's Challenge

I want you to seriously ask yourself this week what generalizations you make about potential partners.  I want you to notice all the happy couples walking down the street, not just the glamorously beautiful ones, so that you will stop using something like your weight to be an excuse for a lack of love.  And I want you to ask yourself what it is you are using to sell yourself.

Let me know what you come up with.  I want to hear how you've been challenged and what changes you plan to make as a result!

And treat yourself to a flower today...if you are alone!  Happy V-day.