Someone wrote in recently in response to one of the weekly newsletters with the question "What do you do once you realize you're on the wrong path and can't seem to get on the right one?"

What do you do when you know what decisions are the right one's for you, but you continue to dishonor yourself or what you believe in?  What do you do when willpower doesn't seem to be enough?  This can be very disheartening, discouraging, and frustrating.

Examples Of What This Looks Like

Maybe you deeply desire to lose weight but everyday you're faced with the cookies in the break room at work and you continue to go to food for comfort rather than only hunger.  Perhaps you continue to initiate relationships with those who you are attracted to and who fulfill certain immediate needs (safety, financial, physical), but you know this person is wrong for you and that it will not end in something fulfilling.  Or maybe you need to stop spending money so that you can save for a car, an education, or a vacation you deeply desire, but walking down the street in Manhattan has proved you to be a hopeless case! J

What Feels Good Now

Being human is difficult and challenging at times.  We don't always seem to have the power to do what is right for ourselves.  Sometimes our immediate needs get in the way of our long term goals.  Desire for intimacy, loneliness, or excitement may make us continue to go to food for comfort, overspend, or get involved in relationships that aren't right for us.  Whatever your particular situation, what feels good now is often what takes priority in the intense moment of decision.

So what do you do when you keep repeating this cycle and you want out? 

1. My first recommendation is to be gracious to yourself.  Give yourself some understanding that all of your needs are legitimate and valid.  Recognize that you are human and being human comes with imperfections.  Remind yourself that you're not the only one who is struggling.  Everyone struggles, and if they appear not to be, it's only a deception (not necessarily an intentional one.)

2. Set-up a support system.  Figure out what your needs are and start trying to get them met in healthier ways.  You don't necessarily have to give up "the cookie," just start planting seeds in healthy soil.  When those seeds grow (for instance getting involved in a community that will foster deeper relationships), you'll find your need for what you are attempting to toss out grow less.  Be vulnerable and let others know what you want to do.  Tell them to stop telling you "just one more won't hurt."

3. When I am in this position, I pray.  I hope this doesn't sound like a superficial, weak answer...but my faith has become the source for which I am able to be gracious to myself, am attracted to striving toward complete integrity, am able to accept that I will stumble, and am able to find the strength to get back up again.  If you have not been able to find hope in prayer, I encourage you to seek something honest and truthful to be your source for prayer.  If it's not your thing...I respect that too!  J

4. I feel a bit strange writing this because I'm a counselor and I'm about to tell you how counseling can be helpful!  haha!  But it doesn't have to be with me, it should be with someone you can open up to, trust, and be yourself with.  It should be someone who you feel supported by and get objective advice from.  Counseling can be a great way to start getting certain needs met in a healthier way.  Just to know you have someone to go to every week, or every other week to help break down what your exact needs are and find practical ways of going about getting them met can be very empowering.  It can give you a little more leverage to say no to the cookie and reach for the stars!

Have a great weekend guys!  And yes of course, if you are interested in life coaching, I would be honored and happy to explore if we are a right fit for each other.  Give a call for more info: 917-689-6530