Group Support and Counseling for Women with Herpes
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Being diagnosed with herpes can be confusing, unexpected, embarrassing, heartbreaking, and angering. You might be wondering how you will sort through all of your feelings and the meanings society makes about this diagnosis that feel so incongruent with who you are. You might worry what people will think. You might find it hard to imagine life feeling normal again.
Perhaps you got herpes from a partner who didn’t know or someone who knew and didn’t tell you. Maybe it was in a relationship or maybe you were casually dating. Either way, you were probably doing normal things that everyone else is doing. So you might wonder how this happened to you when it seems like it’s not happening to anyone else.
But you are not alone.
Genital herpes is a common virus. It is not part of the standard STI screening unless you have symptoms, and many people don’t have symptoms they recognize as concerning and so never get diagnosed. This is one reason it can feel lonely. Many people don’t know they are infected. The other reason it can feel lonely is that most people don’t share openly about their diagnosis, so people can be siting in a room together and never know.
Meeting others who share your experience can be tremendously healing and helpful. Being able to talk with others about how you feel and what you are currently struggling with or have questions about and hearing their stories as well can help you feel more grounded, comforted, and normal. When you walk into a room and see others who look like you and have stories like yours, it can be very reassuring.
But I know going to a support group for herpes can also feel really scary.
You might worry that others won’t be like you at all. You might worry there will be someone in the room who knows you. Although you might long to talk about it with others who get it, another part of you might wish to sweep it under the rug and ignore it for as long as possible.
I hope to assuage your fears because being a part of a group where others share your experience and are in many ways just like you can actually help you feel more like yourself again. It can remind you that herpes is something that can happen when people do normal things and that it happens to other normal people, just like you.
A Safe, Comfortable Space
I aim to create a safe space where women come to get support and work on their personal growth, a space where education empowers you, where you can become more at ease with yourself and with others. It is a space to experience growth in your confidence and self-esteem at your core, where herpes is only a catalyst. My hope is for you to be able to see herpes as just something you have to deal with from time to time and not synonymous with who you are. This might feel impossible right now, but many people are able to eventually feel that herpes is no longer a huge feature in their minds.
Therapy Group for Women
My therapy group for women with herpes is about more than adjusting to a herpes diagnosis; it’s about using this time as an opportunity to improve your self-esteem, your ability to speak up for what you need and want, to increase your sense of agency, and to work on having more satisfying relationships—with both yourself and others.
That might sound like a big order! I understand.
Right now, all you might be looking for is some comfort. That is what most people are looking for at first. And that is the first purpose of this group.
It’s important to focus on you and where you are right now. Personal growth is a life long effort and we often experience opportunities to do important work and make meaningful progress during certain transitions in our lives. I hope this can be one of those moments in your life.
This new format is being offered to support women who’d like to begin and go through the entire group experience with the same members.
Who is a good fit for this group?
Women with a new or prior diagnosis that they feel is still having an impact on their life by limiting their ability to live in a full way (i.e. avoiding dating, avoiding disclosure, affecting how they feel about themselves, etc.)
Women who are in or who have done therapy (or would like to) and appreciate internal reflection and personal growth.
Women who want to work through their thoughts and feelings in a private setting with other women who are committed to understanding and growth.
Women who want to work on their self-esteem and confidence
Women who want to work on their relationship patterns (such as increasing confidence, choosing emotionally available partners, or exploring their attachment style).
Women who also want to support other women in their process and will commit to showing up for both themselves and others.
Women who can commit to the full 16-weeks, barring an emergency or illness.
Topics Covered In The Group
Topics are covered in a conversational format and based on the needs and interests of group members. An example of topics that will likely be discussed are below.
***This is not a rigid format and is only intended to provide an idea of the kinds of discussions you can expect to have over the course of the 16-weeks.
Week 1: Introductions, personal stories of members, goal setting.
Week 2: diagnosis experiences, symptoms, treatments, facts, self-care
Week 3: feelings and worries about dating and disclosure
Week 4: how you feel about yourself, what has changed since diagnosis, self-esteem
Week 5: resolving the past. feelings associated with contracting herpes, or your history of dating & relationships
Week 6: Kinds of relationships you want to have going forward, disclosure, how, when, where?
Week 7: Building a full life that you love. Self-care. Wheel of life exercise.
Week 8: Whether to tell friends or family. Your unique circumstance and personality around privacy.
Week 9: Finding authentic ways to talk about herpes. What is right for you? You don’t have to do the same thing other people do.
Week 10: Envisioning a full life with herpes, imagining a life where you aren’t limited by it.
Week 11: What if you experience rejection? Having your feelings while holding onto a strong sense of self-worth. Having healthy expectations and a healthy sense of entitlement to good treatment by others.
Week 12: Transmission. Statistics, ways to reduce risk, trusting your partner’s adult decision. Coping if you do transmit. Having feelings without spiraling into guilt. Being there for your partner.
Week 13: Ending a relationship that’s not the right fit, even if someone has accepted you.
Week 14: Guest Speaker(s) - A guest is usually a former member who will share her journey, what she has learned, and how she has adjusted.
Week 15: Moving forward. What new behaviors do you want to engage in?
Week 16: What have you learned from group? What have you learned from each other. In what ways do you still want to grow? Details about graduate program for members who would like to continue working on their personal growth in a group setting.
When: Please sign up for the newsletter to be notified when the next start date for this group will be.
Where: In person, at my office in Murray Hill, Manhattan, near Grand Central Station on East 35th St. and Lexington Ave.
Fee: There are 2 options for paying for the group.
Option 1) Because members will benefit most from doing the full 16-weeks together from start to finish, I am offering a reduction in the fee for individuals who pay for the full 16-weeks in advance. The fee for the full 16-weeks, paid in advance is $1200 (this works out to $75 per session).
Option 2) $95 per session, payable in 4-session increments ($380 every 4 sessions). Members who choose this option must attend sessions consecutively (rather than on a drop-in basis) and payment will be due for missed sessions if you plan to continue the group. The reason for this is that the group is limited to 8-members and is progressive in nature. Paying for your seat allows me to reserve your seat when you are not present rather than offering the seat to someone new. Due to the goals of this group and the intimate and private content shared, this group does not offer the option of drop-in attendance. This payment option is great for someone who would like do a trial of the group without having to commit to the full 16-weeks.
How Do I Find Out More?
The best way to learn more about the group and whether it is the right fit for you is to email or call me to schedule a brief 15-20 minute phone consultation. I will ask about your story and what you hope to get out of the group and can answer any questions you have. If we both think the group might be a good fit, we will schedule an in-person individual session before you sign-up for the group.
In the individual session, I will spend time learning more about you, your experience, and your concerns. You will have an opportunity to see what working with me is like, and I can help you to make a final decision about whether to move forward with the group. If you do decide to move forward with the group, this session will help me to know you better and to support you as an individual in the group.
If You're Interested but Not Ready
Coming to a group like this for the first time isn't always easy. If you'd like to learn more about how I can help, check out my blog posts on herpes here. You can also learn more about my background and approach to therapy here.
Would you like to stay connected?
You can sign-up to receive notices about my blog posts via email here.
If You'd Like to Take the Next Step
If you are ready to meet with me and learn more about the group, call or email me to schedule a complimentary 15 minute phone consultation: 917-689-6530 or melissa@myheartdances.com
