Not always, but often, I find that many of the struggles that lead people to therapy, such as depression or anxiety, are associated with not getting needs met in relationships. This is most often apparent in romantic experiences or family dynamics but can also be seen in friendships and in problems with professional relationships. For this post, I will use romantic relationships as the primary example.Read More
Longing for a relationship but having a pattern in which you are always attracted to partners who are wrong for you or partners who aren't interested in a relationship with you can be really painful.
This is especially true when you meet someone you really like. Maybe you've had some deep, satisfying talks with them and really fun times together. It feels like there is so much potential! You can't get them out of your head and find yourself anxiously waiting in anticipation for a text from them or hoping that they will soon make plans to get together with you. But they always seem out of reach, leaving you longing. Ultimately, you learn they don't feel the same or they don't want a relationship. This really hurts and can make you feel like something is wrong with you, like something keeps you from being good enough for someone like this to love you back.Read More
Many people diagnosed with herpes feel betrayed by the medical system when they learn that they have never been tested and their partner likely was not either. If you didn't know before now, herpes is generally not included in a standard STD panel. That means all those screens that you so diligently obtained since becoming sexually active and the one you may have asked your partner to get as well, probably did not screen for herpes.Read More
Walking around New York City, I often see emergency preparedness signs, the ones that tell you to make sure you have a plan and working supplies, such as flashlights, batteries, water, etc.
I especially love the poster of one family's strategy, where under each family member's photo there is text describing what that individual will do. Under the dog, it says, "Grab the cat."
Emergency preparedness is important. But what about being prepared for emotional "emergencies"? Discouragement, loss, let-downs, and grief are no fun. So why not do something in advance to help make those times easier for yourself when they happen?Read More
I recently connected with Lori Fauquier, a nurse practitioner who used to practice at Callen-Lorde, here in New York City. She now has a tele-medicine practice focusing on women's health issues. I've found Lori to be knowledgeable and passionate and a provider that is comfortable talking about sex and sexual health.Read More
Do you know what it's like to go to school and be picked on, to always be worried about what the next insult will be and when it will be thrown at you?
to sometimes be unsure if people are being nice or trying to trick you?
to not be included and to know that you are purposefully not being included?
to wish you belonged?
Do you remember those experiences as if they were yesterday?Read More
Some experiences of anxious or depressed feelings are normal. You notice the feeling but have a sense of being in control of it; it doesn’t interfere with your ability to take action, handle your responsibilities, or participate in activities you enjoy--at least not for long. You might even see the sadness or nervousness as a natural part of the circumstances, of healing, moving forward, or being challenged. You cry it out or give yourself a pep talk and then find yourself moving on.
But sometimes anxiety and depression can become more significant, either in intensity, frequency, or duration.Read More
I’ve recently had an increase of clients and loved ones in my life with autoimmune conditions, like Fybromyalgia, Hashimoto’s disease (which causes hypothyroid), or other chronic pain conditions like migraine. These are all individuals who are young, mostly in their 30s, and in the prime of their lives.Read More
If you live with insecurity, you are well aware of how bad it feels to always be unsure of yourself in relationships and in your abilities, to always be second guessing yourself, and even judging yourself for feeling insecure.Read More
I recently walked by a store with a sign outside saying: "Flaws Make You Real." This made me wonder, if flaws make you real, then why are so many of us focused on covering up or hiding our imperfections? Human beings are naturally imperfect. We all have distinct blemishes that make us who we are. Why would we wish to be or to look unauthentic?Read More
Anxiety can feel debilitating and paralyzing.
You have knots in your stomach. Your thoughts are racing. You toss and turn, wishing you could sleep. Maybe you feel other things too: anger, sadness, self-doubt.Read More
You know that moment, when your thoughts start racing and your body tenses up? You feel restless and you can’t focus on anything else because you are so overcome with worry, fear, or nervousness. Your stomach might even feel a little queasy.Read More
These are my favorite herpes resources. They include my most recommended sites for facts and information, good books, positive encouraging websites, and some great articles. I hope you find these supportive on your journey.Read More
Below are some answers to common questions or misconceptions my clients diagnosed with herpes often ask or talk with me about in therapy sessions. I hope these are helpful to you as you process your feelings and thoughts about your diagnosis.Read More
The most pressing question many of my clients with genital herpes have, even more than worry about how to tell someone their dating that they have herpes, is when to tell someone they’re dating that they have herpes.
Most of the clients who work with me are looking for a relationship as opposed to casual sex. I do have some clients who enjoy casual sex and who have success disclosing to those partners, but today I’m going to focus on those of you who are seeking something more serious.Read More
I know it might be hard to believe, but there are a lot of people out there who are not going to be bothered that much by you having herpes. I know because I’ve watched many, many women over the years find partners who just didn’t think herpes was a big deal—and I don’t mean that they searched and searched and finally found one partner who accepted them—I mean that they got out there and dated, and disclosed, and had boyfriends, and lived their lives. I also know because there are great writers out there like Ella Dawson who have disclosed their status publicly and the dating pool has not dried up for them.Read More
Maybe you’re reading this because you’ve got that “blah” feeling. You have tasks on your “to do” list, projects you want to start or finish, a workout plan you want to stick to, but you just can’t seem to get motivated. You probably even know that if you just made yourself get up and out, that you would likely feel better.
But it just doesn’t happen.Read More
Spiritual faith is an important if not foundational part of many people’s lives. It can also be a source of internal conflict and sadness, especially if you come from a tradition that doesn’t allow much space for questioning or difference--and you happen to be questioning or different. Continue ReadingRead More
A common concern among heterosexual women I work with who desire to find a long-term partner, is a fear of being needy. These women are usually bright, independent, and socially competent but are frustrated with dating because experiences with potential partners often seem to go nowhere.Read More
The cold, gray winter is quickly approaching and this seasonal change tends to correspond with periodic or persistent low mood for many. Problems and worries can really feel heavier. It might be hard to believe, but this experience can have value. It can become a time of wrestling with our humanity, connecting to what’s meaningful in our lives, and increasing our awareness and sensitivity to the reality of struggle for others.Read More