Healing Unhealthy Relationship Patterns Can Improve Depression and Anxiety

Not always, but often, I find that many of the struggles that lead people to therapy, such as depression or anxiety, are associated with not getting needs met in relationships. This is most often apparent in romantic experiences or family dynamics but can also be seen in friendships and in problems with professional relationships. For this post, I will use romantic relationships as the primary example.

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Finding Love When The People You Love Never Seem to Love You Back

Longing for a relationship but having a pattern in which you are always attracted to partners who are wrong for you or partners who aren't interested in a relationship with you can be really painful.

This is especially true when you meet someone you really like. Maybe you've had some deep, satisfying talks with them and really fun times together. It feels like there is so much potential! You can't get them out of your head and find yourself anxiously waiting in anticipation for a text from them or hoping that they will soon make plans to get together with you. But they always seem out of reach, leaving you longing. Ultimately, you learn they don't feel the same or they don't want a relationship. This really hurts and can make you feel like something is wrong with you, like something keeps you from being good enough for someone like this to love you back.

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Why Doctors Don't Test for Herpes

Many people diagnosed with herpes feel betrayed by the medical system when they learn that they have never been tested and their partner likely was not either. If you didn't know before now, herpes is generally not included in a standard STD panel. That means all those screens that you so diligently obtained since becoming sexually active and the one you may have asked your partner to get as well, probably did not screen for herpes. 

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Packing Your Emotional First-Aid Kit

Walking around New York City, I often see emergency preparedness signs, the ones that tell you to make sure you have a plan and working supplies, such as flashlights, batteries, water, etc. 

I especially love the poster of one family's strategy, where under each family member's photo there is text describing what that individual will do. Under the dog, it says, "Grab the cat."

Emergency preparedness is important. But what about being prepared for emotional "emergencies"? Discouragement, loss, let-downs, and grief are no fun. So why not do something in advance to help make those times easier for yourself when they happen?

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How Childhood Bullying Impacts Us As Adults

Do you know what it's like to go to school and be picked on, to always be worried about what the next insult will be and when it will be thrown at you?

to sometimes be unsure if people are being nice or trying to trick you? 

to not be included and to know that you are purposefully not being included?

to wish you belonged?

Do you remember those experiences as if they were yesterday?

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5 Ways We Stay Stuck in Cycles of Anxiety and Depression

Some experiences of anxious or depressed feelings are normal. You notice the feeling but have a sense of being in control of it; it doesn’t interfere with your ability to take action, handle your responsibilities, or participate in activities you enjoy--at least not for long. You might even see the sadness or nervousness as a natural part of the circumstances, of healing, moving forward, or being challenged. You cry it out or give yourself a pep talk and then find yourself moving on.

But sometimes anxiety and depression can become more significant, either in intensity, frequency, or duration.

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Flaws Make You Real: Guest Post by Julie Zelig, Psy.D.

I recently walked by a store with a sign outside saying: "Flaws Make You Real." This made me wonder, if flaws make you real, then why are so many of us focused on covering up or hiding our imperfections? Human beings are naturally imperfect. We all have distinct blemishes that make us who we are. Why would we wish to be or to look unauthentic?

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Let's Talk About Herpes Part 2: When To Tell A Partner

The most pressing question many of my clients with genital herpes have, even more than worry about how to tell someone their dating that they have herpes, is when to tell someone they’re dating that they have herpes.

Most of the clients who work with me are looking for a relationship as opposed to casual sex. I do have some clients who enjoy casual sex and who have success disclosing to those partners, but today I’m going to focus on those of you who are seeking something more serious.

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Lets Talk About Herpes Part 1: Rejection (It Might Not Really Be About Herpes)

I know it might be hard to believe, but there are a lot of people out there who are not going to be bothered that much by you having herpes. I know because I’ve watched many, many women over the years find partners who just didn’t think herpes was a big deal—and I don’t mean that they searched and searched and finally found one partner who accepted them—I mean that they got out there and dated, and disclosed, and had boyfriends, and lived their lives. I also know because there are great writers out there like Ella Dawson who have disclosed their status publicly and the dating pool has not dried up for them.

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When You Just Can't Get Motivated

Maybe you’re reading this because you’ve got that “blah” feeling. You have tasks on your “to do” list, projects you want to start or finish, a workout plan you want to stick to, but you just can’t seem to get motivated. You probably even know that if you just made yourself get up and out, that you would likely feel better. 

But it just doesn’t happen.

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Facing Problem after Problem: Thoughts on Coping

The cold, gray winter is quickly approaching and this seasonal change tends to correspond with periodic or persistent low mood for many. Problems and worries can really feel heavier. It might be hard to believe, but this experience can have value. It can become a time of wrestling with our humanity, connecting to what’s meaningful in our lives, and increasing our awareness and sensitivity to the reality of struggle for others. 

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