Anxiety About Herpes Despite Negative Results: How Therapy Can Help
Over the years, I’ve worked with many individuals who come to therapy fearing they have herpes — even after negative tests and reassurances from medical providers. Often, symptoms involve subtle sensations on or beneath the skin that can't easily be seen or assessed, leaving individuals feeling misunderstood or worried that something is being missed. For those who struggle with this, the worry can be consuming and isolating. It can feel as though there's no one to talk to, or that no one truly believes you. Even when a doctor assures you that you don't have herpes, the relief may be short-lived before the anxiety resurfaces.
Understanding Persistent Anxiety About Herpes
When working with someone navigating this kind of persistent worry, I first take time to understand how they arrived at this point: what were the circumstances that proceeded the worry (such as a particular sexual encounter), what symptoms they’re experiencing, what conversations they've had with their providers, and whether any follow-up testing has been recommended or considered. Sometimes, all reasonable steps have been taken to rule out a herpes diagnosis, yet fear remains. In other cases, fear of the testing process itself stands in the way of finding clarity. Either way, the worry often disrupts important areas of life — whether it's dating, focusing at work, or simply feeling at ease in one’s body.
How Therapy Can Help You Work Through Health Anxiety
At the outset of therapy, we’ll explore your goals — what you hope to gain from the experience. My role is not to convince you one way or another about a diagnosis. While facts and education can be helpful, one of the most effective ways to address this type of anxiety is to explore: what if the worry were true?
Many people find it deeply helpful to fully name their fears and consider what steps they would take if they did, in fact, have herpes. This can be a gradual process. Some fear rejection or lifelong loneliness. Others carry guilt shaped by religious beliefs or upbringing. Some worry about being a disappointment to their family — even if they would never disclose it. For others, the worry ties into broader patterns of anxiety or into fears about intimacy itself. Sometimes, unconsciously, fearing herpes can serve as a protection against being vulnerable with a new partner. The unconscious can work in surprising ways.
What If I Really Do Have Herpes? Working Through the "What-Ifs"
Once we begin to understand the deeper fears underlying the worry, we can start to address them directly. For example: What if you disclose and face rejection? What would it look like to have that conversation with someone? Together, we can build strategies to cope with anticipated sadness, loss, or fear. Alternatively, as I mentioned earlier, what if you succeed? What if someone does accept you? Will you be able to take in and trust that acceptance?
In the beginning, some people find it difficult to imagine any hope for themselves. Fortunately, based on over 20 years of working with individuals navigating herpes, I know that the vast majority go on to enjoy romantic and sexual relationships and to live full, meaningful lives. Even when you can’t yet feel hope, I can have that hope for you.
We also explore a meaningful question: Why do some people move on more easily while others struggle longer? Each person's story is different. Our histories, experiences, and vulnerabilities shape how we respond to challenges. Understanding these patterns can be transformative — not only for managing herpes-related anxiety but for broader personal growth.
Building Resilience and Moving Forward
Processing this kind of anxiety takes time, but it is deeply worthwhile. It often involves healing old wounds, strengthening resilience, and expanding your sense of what is possible for your life. Over time, as we address the fears behind the worry, herpes — or the fear of herpes — can begin to hold less power. You can become less dependent on test results for reassurance and more grounded in your own strength and resilience. You are not alone in this, and hope is possible.
Confidential Counseling for Health Anxiety and Herpes in NYC.
I offer individual counseling in NYC, with a private office located in Murray Hill (E. 35th and Lexington). I provide a safe, comfortable, nonjudgmental space to talk openly about your concerns. If you’d like to explore whether working together feels like a good fit, please contact me to schedule a complimentary phone consultation.
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