How In-Person Therapy Makes a Difference
/If you’ve been wondering if virtual or in-person therapy would be right for you, I have some thoughts for you to consider. I almost exclusively offer in-person therapy, with only some exceptions.
Here’s why.
It is very exciting that therapy has become more available via video calls. I’m grateful that an increasing number of people are able to access therapy as a result. Some people do very well with virtual therapy and research shows that it is effective. And it can be the only way for some people to get therapy due to their circumstances. But others really benefit from an in person approach, and some people make more significant progress when they do therapy in person.
A Safe, Dedicated Space to Focus on You
When you come to therapy in person, the room, the space around you, the weekly appointment time, the ritual of going to and from the office, all act as a “container” for addressing your concerns. A container like this offers some separation from your personal environment as well as the distractions or issues that might occur at home, and it gives you a place to focus on you. When everything happens at home, other things can easily be booked too close to the therapy appointment and it can be harder to transition than if you had to block out time and “head space” to change environments. In addition, if you live with others, you might be worried about privacy in the back of your mind, which may affect how you express yourself.
Obviously, you can be very intentional to take care of any potential distractions in advance and it would be good to do so. But there is something important that happens when you go into a separate space that is private, comfortable, and maintained by someone else, someone who is caring for you. There is something valuable that occurs when you are able to go into that space each week to focus on yourself without distraction and address your needs. Even the commute can offer an opportunity to prepare mentally and then to digest what you worked on when you leave. Commuting can offer a break between two spaces to allow for transition. Changes in environment matter and they offer cues to your brain about what to expect from yourself and from others.
Body Language and Therapy
In addition to this, there is a lot that goes on in therapy that is unspoken and much more apparent when in person than on video. I pick up much more body language, facial expressions, and eye movements in person. The way you carry yourself into my office, situate yourself on the couch, and how you hold your body throughout the session are all important pieces of information that help me to understand you and care for you. We communicate all sorts of things in the energy we carry around that can often be missed on video. For patients of mine who I met for the first time on video during the height of the pandemic and then met in person later, when it was safer to return to the office, I gathered a lot more information about them through their physical presence that was new and influenced my thinking about their concerns.
On the other side, patients gather much more information from me therapeutically as well. My physical presence is part of the treatment as my movements can help someone to feel welcome and nurtured or safe. A patient may pick up on reactions I have that they would not otherwise notice on video, reactions that may feel validating or give them a sense that I am concerned about them or what they are sharing. Patients have told me that meeting in person makes them feel much more connected as they pick up on all of these non-verbal cues. The shared environment also matters. If you are at home with a pile of laundry behind your computer screen that you are worried about finding the time to do, it may be unconsciously impacting how you are coming across on the video, but I cannot see that laundry and would have no clue it was there unless you told me so. How might this impact both of us in different ways? When we’re in the same room, if you look over at something, I can look over at that thing too, and that shared experience can matter.
The Needs and People I Work WIth
Many of the patients I work with struggle with feelings of shame, low self-esteem, loneliness, relationship difficulties, stigma, depression, and anxiety. These things all benefit from human contact and coming to therapy in person, especially in a time when there are increasing feelings of isolation, can be healing and help people to feel a greater sense of connectedness, of being in the world, of being seen and accepted, and it can help them to break out of their comfort zone in ways that increase satisfaction in their lives.
I do provide virtual therapy when needed, such as if someone wakes up feeling unwell or if they are traveling for work and wouldn’t be able to make it in person. The consistency of meeting becomes more important in these situations. But I am passionate about in-person therapy and encourage those who work with me to commit to working in person. Most people welcome it and have said it helps them a great deal.
On that note, I have colleagues who I respect who exclusively provide virtual therapy. I’m grateful there are lots of options for people in need to find the right fit. If you are looking for virtual therapy, I am happy to refer you to a therapist who does this well. In addition, I am a registered telehealth provider in FL and do provide virtual therapy to individuals there when they are seeking support in my specialty areas and have been unable to find someone else who is a good fit.
If you are in the NYC area and would like help, I am here for you. I provide individual therapy as well as in person therapy groups. You are welcome to contact me at melissa@myheartdances.com or 917-689-6530 to schedule a brief phone consultation to discuss your needs and see if we are a good fit.
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About Melissa King
I am a licensed mental health counselor in New York City with a psychotherapy office in the neighborhood of Murray Hill in Manhattan. Find out more about me here. I'd love to hear from you. Email me if there's a topic you'd like to read about here.
**Information on this site is not intended to replace medical advice and does not constitute a psychotherapeutic relationship with the reader.
